give me the beat boys

It's been a considerably long time since my last post. A little over a month ago i composed one of my best posts ever (insightful and massive) and then Mason's ridiculous internet timed out on me and i lost the whole thing. so it's taken some time to heal that wound and return to the blog.

I'm insanely allergic to many things, pollen, dust, ricotta cheese, kiwi, smoke, bubble bath....but most of all i'm allergic to pets, especially cats. Last Sunday we had a Relay meeting at one of our committee members houses and they forgot to ask if anyone was allergic to cats. No biggie, most people don't think about pet allergies unless they have them. Despite a last ditch Claritin effort, the feline allergy struck hard. I normally take prescription allergy medication when I have to be around pets. So for the next day and a half I was slammed in the horrible wake of this reaction.

The weather concurrently got cold and damp which then brought on cold symptoms to my already ailing body. So I've felt like the plague this week. I HATE being sick. It's my least favorite thing next to being sad. gag.You don't feel like doing anything, you get weird food urges, can't focus, no energy, hard to rest, feel disgusting, can't breathe..............gah! However, despite my physical condition and mental exhaustion, here are some things that made me smile this week:

• Pig out at Southside. Collin agreed to go with me on a binge fest at Southside where I inhaled a cheeseburger, chili cheese dog, fries, 2 bites of a sub-par wheat/beef quesadilla, and a swirl ice cream cone. Sometimes it's just nice to sit there with no self-restraint and eat whatever the hell you want.

• Parenthood & Modern Family. How good are these shows? SO GOOD. I'm helplessly addicted to them both. Parenthood is endearing and insightful while Modern Family is hysterical and charming. Both are refreshing and i cannot sing their praises enough.

• SudaCare Shower Soothers. Dude, if you're sick with a cold, this is what you do: go to the store, pick up a little box of SudaCare Shower Soothers tablets, go home, turn a hot shower on and toss one of these babies onto the floor of the shower. It releases therapeutic vapors into the steam and makes you feel SO much better. seriously.

• being myself. I've been feeling more like my old self lately which feels, in one word, awesome.

• BIRTHDAY CLUBS. do you know about birthday clubs? Basically tons of restaurants have e-clubs or birthday clubs where if you sign up you get free stuff on your birthday. I spent some of my time in bed yesterday signing up for these things out the ying yang. Cheesecake Factory, Benihana, Baskin Robbins, Dunkin' Donuts, Red Robin, Dairy Queen, Krispy Kreme, Country Buffet, Wendy's, Fuddruckers, Ruby Tuesday, Texas de Brazil, Hooters, Noodles & Co, Cold Stone Creamery, Chicken of the Sea (i know), Auntie Anne's, Starbucks, and Outback Steakhouse. I signed up for all of them. The ones I listed all give you a free something on your birthday with no strings attached. My plan is simply to drive around come April 14th and collect on everyone of these birthday offers. It's a cornucopia of birthday treats for the low low price of FREE. That's the birthday love i'm talking about.

• The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. I love this movie. Something about it just resonates with me and i enjoy it every time. also: awesome soundtrack. seriously. New Orleans inspired tunes with creole and cajun flavors.

So with that being said I'm off to at least try to get myself up and in some kind of acceptable form to go out in public. Chicken Noodle Soup is a go.

love

chub for change

I'm getting ready to hop in the shower after my first spinning class since last November. That's right, you're not crazy, it's Friday and I was up before noon.

Despite the fact that it was raining crushed ice, I was invited/motivated by my close pal Linds to join her in the 12:00pm spinning class at the Aquatic and Fitness Center here on campus. I dragged my ass out of bed circa 10am and popped a load of laundry in while I ate breakfast (yeah i'm eating in the mornings now, and yeah, i get up in the mornings now). I checked my image issues at the door, pulled on my spandex shorts and threw on a DMB tour t-shirt. After filling up my water bottle and putting my ear buds in, I was off to spin the fat.

In an effort to wake myself up and get energized I put Cotton Eye Joe on repeat on my iPod. No T.I, no Bon Jovi, no Beyonce, just my favorite guilty pleasure work out song straight from the Jock Jams archive. When you're new to Friday mornings, you have to pull out the big guns in order to be a highly-functional human being and not worry about listening to hip tunes. I wasn't feeling hip. I was feeling like a sleepy fatty 2x4 that was braving an Icee downpour to participate in a high octane workout. When I'm rise n' shine Fitness Barbie then I'll listen to the Black Eyed Peas or Rihanna.

I met up with Lindsey, secured the bike in the back corner by the fan and voluntarily surrendered myself for a royal ass-kicking by the 4'10" ripped oompa loompa who was calling the shots out front. She had a wife beater tank on that said "lil killer" on the back with iron-on letters and a white bandanna tied around her head Hulk Hogan style. Her little nugget body looked like 90% muscle. The workout was truly strenuous, worked us hard, and overall I approved her choice of tunes. The only thing that made me want to halfway punch her was that when a power song came on she would indulge in some busch league dance motions and lip sync the words complete with facial expressions. This isn't America's Got Talent, I get that your one of those people that wakes up in the morning chomping at the bit to get off on a killer workout and then go drink a protein shake and feel like your body's hugging you. But I prefer instructors that tone down the personality parade and push me to ride my legs down to stumps. Someone akin to Jillian Michaels on the Biggest Loser. I believe that woman could make me into an Olympian. Nonetheless, I did feel like I hit my burn and got a stellar workout.

I really only made myself one pledge for this new year and that was to get my body back in the game. Boost my fitness level, trim the fat, tone the muscles, improve my diet & eating habits, and get the sleep I need. I'm not a pudgy porker or anything but over my college years I've accumulated about 10-15 pounds that I need to drop to be at my healthy weight. But I'm not interested in any dieting or metabolism shortcuts. Everyone knows those are quick fixes that aren't healthy roads to fitness. I'm looking to make a few modified lifestyle changes that will get my body back in shape and help me maintain that level of well being for the remainder of my adult life. Despite my sarcastic and borderline curmudgeon attitude earlier, I'm actually very optimistic and enthusiastic about committing to this process and reaping the benefits. There is a certain satisfaction you get from actively working for a change you want to see. Which is why I'm most inspired by the overweight, unhealthy, unkempt bodies that I see in the gym and out about campus walking, running, biking, and playing sports. Not the trim fit bodies. Because it's the hefty people struggling in the gym that embodies the spirit of change. Checking your excuses and insecurities at the door in exchange for something better, something more, something for you. The gratification comes when you get your ass up and doing something by you for you. Because you know you can do it and you deserve it. You are worthy of better.

When people aren't happy with an area(s) of their life and know they aren't living they way they want to/can then they lower the expectations of what they deserve and aspire to. I've done this myself. They surround themselves with people who enable their vices and weaknesses, they spend energy on finding excuses, they lower the standards of their achievements and on their overall quality of living. It's a vicious cycle that develops a strong hold on you. I've been there. It's dark place where complacency is your greatest danger.

I've known for a while that I wanted better but it was just recently that I developed the desire to change what I want into what I have. Mostly because I feel like I've really started to get my shit together as young adult in other areas of my life and I believe that by finally reclaiming my fitness I'll also begin to feel that I deserve better in other things. For instance a healthy relationship with someone who also takes great care of themselves and keeps a healthy lifestyle. Someone who is hard working, dependable, fun, intelligent, and has a zest for life. I'll deserve better roles and opportunities in my professional life. I'll deserve to have children that I raise with confidence as a healthy parent who models a healthy lifestyle. These are all things I deserve and that only I can give myself. I must desire them, work for the change, and take the reigns of the new life I make.

So here's 2010 and all the chubbies in the gym. We're all in the same boat. Let's do this.

The List

Hello ye handful o'readers,

After safely returning from a delightful holiday stint in Chicago, I've decided that I need to make a list. "A Few of My Favorite Things" list for 2010. Enjoy.

TEA. I've always been a tea fan but recently I've become obsessed with exploring the world of tea and have upped my intake to nearly 6 cups a day. also love: Teavana. glorious tea store that is expensive as can be but oh so delicious. the always have free samples that are fabulous so if you ever pass by a store, have a sip or two or twelve.

Twitter. I joined twitter this summer and it has been a most satisfying addition to my online life. you don't have to worry about lengthy posts cluttering your feed because everyone's only allowed 140 characters per tweet. short and sweet. also love: following the twitters of Diablo Cody, Katy Perry, Mindy Kaling, and Taylor Swift.

Bonnie Hunt. Many are familiar with Bonnie's movies( Return to Me, Jumanji, The Green Mile, Jerry Maguire, Cheaper by the Dozen...) but my latest Bonnie love is her daytime talk show on NBC right around lunch time on weekdays. The Bonnie Hunt Show has a wide variety of guests, gags, segments, and of course, a superb host. Bonnie reminds me of my dad's sisters (she was also one of 7 that grew up in a catholic family on the north side of Chicago) so she's like Aunt Bonnie to me. The accent, the stories, the witty sense of humor....she's the real deal. also love: Bonnie's mom, Alice, who often Skypes into the show for a segment called "ask alice" which is always hysterically funny and adorable.

Edamame. This veggie treat is the perfect side dish or snack. hot or cold, in the pod or shelled, lightly salted....delicious. and healthy which makes it a great go-to food that's super easy due to the fact that it requires practically zero preparation.

Sparkling Mineral Water. I know that most people see this purchase as unnecessary or glorified yuppie water but guys...IT'S SO GOOD. I have yet to find anything that is quite as refreshing as glass of S.Pellegrino, La Croix, or Perrier. The carbonation is also great for settling your stomach. They also have it with lemon which basically tastes like 7-up but without the sugar and high fructose corn syrup. no calories, no sodium, no sugar, just water n'bubbles.

The Addams Family:The Musical. Our family saw this a few days after Christmas during it's preview run in Chicago. With inspiration drawn directly from the original Charles Addams cartoon that was printed for 50 years in The New Yorker, the infamous macabre-obsessed family is back in a fiercely entertaining new musical that will open on Broadway in March. It's headlined by Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth as well as 3 other Tony award winners. My personal favorite scene stealer was Krysta Rodriguez who plays daughter Wednesday Addams. She was in the original cast of Spring Awakening and In the Heights. Fab voice and perfect embodiment of Wednesday. I urge everyone to take advantage of any opportunity to see it.

Pandora. Isn't this music genome project stuff great? I love Pandora because you can custom make a station to the styles of any artist, band, genre, or song. It's also a great way to discover new music that coincides with your musical tastes. and it's free. two thumbs up.

Rain Vodka. Drinking accounts for a generous portion of college weight gain. Vodka doesn't have calories. It's about what you add to it that puts sugar and calories in the mix. Rain is organic vodka that is 7 times distilled so it's nice and smooth. It's about $24 a bottle but totally worth it in my book. In an effort to be at least semi-health conscious about weight/drink habits, I like to mix it with V8 Fusion so I get a full serving of fruits and a full serving of veggies as well as a full on buzz.

V8 Fusion. It can be hard, especially in college, to effectively weave full servings of fruits and veggies into your daily diet but with V8F you can get can a serving of each with just one glass. and it's delicious and relatively low-calorie. it's easy, healthy, and affordable. my favorite flavor is Cranberry Blackberry.

Mix Tape Clubs. I love this whole concept. You get a group of friends (preferably 12 with no slackers) and assign a month of the year to each person. That month, the assigned person makes 11 copies of a mix CD they create and mail it to everyone else. You get 11 cds a year plus your own. Everyone can get crafty with their cover art and packaging. It's a win.

That will conclude the first list of 2010. I'll try to put out one of these every few months or so.

Cheers 2010.

love

Living on a Prayer

friends,
i sent most of you a "PLEASE PRAY" text last night before my cell phone battery was shot. i got many of your responses and messages this morning and cannot thank you enough for your willingness to meditate and pray without hesitation. i know that many of your were concerned due to the lack of detail and response. here is the reason for the text:

my fam and i were en route to Chicago for the holidays yesterday (where my dad is from and thus our extended family). we had pretty ideal driving weather until about 100 miles out from chicago around 9pm or so. then we began to see freezing rain and wintery mix fall with the temperature outside hovering around 30 degrees.

most everyone knows that almost 2 years ago (in jan) i was in a severe winter car accident while i was driving up to work ski patrol at Wintergreen. after losing contro, out of the blue, my car spun off the road and slammed head-on into 2 trees with the impact snapping my neck. after a miraculous recovery of several months my body healed totally, escaping any nerve damage or paralysis. however, i suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) where i had overwhelming and debilitating anxiety about riding in cars, driving, and inclement weather. i had terrible panic attacks and was repeatedly haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. With professional therapy, medication, and the unwavering support of my family and friends, i was able to work through this incredibly difficult mental battle. In May of this year(about a year and a half after the accident) I was finally able to come off the anxiety medication and reestablish a sense of normalcy and confidence (with the exception of mild car jitters).

My brother came to get me from school at GMU in Fairfax, VA this past friday due to the forecasted blizzard. we made it safely, only encountering weather for the last 20+ minutes of our 2 hr journey. it was a little unnerving but i was able to handle it and keep most of my panic at bay.

Last night, my worst fears came to haunt me. Sitting just less than 20 miles from my grandmothers brownstone in Chicago, we were stopped in traffic on the Skyway on the left most side of the inbound lanes against the jersey wall divider. there was a slight hill that we were sitting just short of. trying to distract myself i was watching a movie on my ipod when all of the sudden i heard a giant "WHACK" that made my heart stop and i nearly pissed my pants. a jeep had come flying over the hill headed the other direction and lost control, crashing wildly into the jersey wall right beside our car and went spinning across the road finally haulting in the very middle facing OPPOSITE traffic. the driver, a man, got out in front of his car and began trying to wave cars that were coming over the hill away from his car in the center of road which IDIOTIC and as my dad nearly shrieked, suicide. Sure enough the next car to come over the hill was going a cool 60 mph and didn't see the man in time to brake cautiously and thus ended up swerving and spinng uncontrollably in a desperate attempt to avoid the man and his car. he ended up hitting the car and the jersey wall but missing the man, at which point the man hopped back in his car realizing that standing there was a death sentence. the cars on our side all had their hazards and blinkers on and many, including myself, had their windows down waving arms frantically, desperately trying to caution and plead with the oncomig traffic. the cars were mostly coming too quickly and blindly over the hill and could not avoid the clusterfuck ahead. while a few were able to somehow manuever their spin with little or minimal damage, i watched in horror as car after car after SUV after Uhaul after tractor trailer went sailing across the glassy terrain and smashed into the cars that now lay battered across the skyways. it was like living in a nightmare, being actively tortured watching these cars full of traveling families get crushed by the helpless and wild vehicles behind them, laying there begging to be shielded from the brunt of the impact and colossal damage. it was like being forced to watch my accident all over again from the outside 25 times in a row. even my father, who is normally able to stay stoic and pragmatic in these situations was visibly upset and shocked as piles of casualties got closer to the spot next to us by the jersey wall. now the greatest threat was a car coming through or across the jersery wall and crushing our car that had no exit thanks to traffic. this is when i sent that last text out. I layed in our car in traumatic shock and became sick to my stomach. clinging to my brother and praying harder than i'm sure i ever have. despite closing my eyes, i could still hear the larger than life sound of the vehicles losing control and smacking into the walls and each other. our side of traffic finally losened up and we were able to manuver over and exit though not before witnessing the same horrific mess beginning just down the way on our own side.

we made it to the house safely. i quickly jumped out of the car and hurried up the stairs and into the bathroom where i promptly collapsed on the floor, again got sick to my stomach and now uncontrollably sobbing. i did end up having a full blown anxiety attack and mental breakdown where i couldn't seem to get my grief and distress under control. after being inconsolable for about an hour and a half i was finally able to start calming down (perhaps due to pure exhaustion. one of my dear aunts loaded me up with red wine (catholic xanx), a tall glass of water, and some ibuprofen. i went out like a light. i'm doing better today, happy to have my family, this holiday (incidently also my aunt jo's birthday), and my favorite city to distract me. the pile up wreckage we witnessed was all over the news and due to the magnitude of it, they closed the skyway for hours.

I want to thank everyone for their overwhelming support, prayers, thoughts, and concern. I feel strongly that it was very much part of our safe keeping. and please continue to pray for the prevention and healing of all the families that are actively or will be having to deal with this unthinkable tragedy this holiday. I realize this is a sobering story to be sharing on such a joyous (and as most know, my FAVORITE) holiday of the year but perhaps it can enhance our Chirstmas by urging us to count our blessings and be more generous with our hugs and affection as we celebrate with our family and friends. i love every one of you and hope that you have the best [safe] Christmas holiday and a rockin' new years eve.
love,

The Blind Side

I've been waiting for months for The Blind Side to finally open in theaters. I saw the trailer during previews while at a different movie this past summer and stopped shoving popcorn in my mouth for the 2 minutes 30 seconds of it and fell into a trance.

For those not familiar, The Blind Side is the film of a true story about Baltimore Ravens offensive tackle, Michael Oher. The film is from the book of the same name and chronicles his rise from a homeless neglected child of the projects in Memphis to a highly sought after draft pick for the NFL all with the help and love of an unlikely source: the well to do, white, Christian family, the Tuohys.

Finally last night I went to see it both excited and nervous. I had set such high expectations for the film, I was worried it may not measure up. Much to my [pleasant] surprise, it far exceeded my expectations. Fun fact: I've never cried at a movie in my entire life. That's not to say that I'm not often touched or moved by them, I'm just not really crier. However last night, the tears came.

Most people cry at movies when someone gets sick, dies, or is defeated in someway. Typically they are tears of sorrow or heartbreak. My tears, as well as the rest of the audience's tears, were tears of joy, inspiration, and happiness. The Blind Side is a movie that promotes boundless love and compassion. It is a film about the human spirit. It's refreshingly realistic. Never did I feel like things were embellished, melodramatic, or glamorized for Hollywood. This story and these characters are real; no embellishment needed. I find that true stories are the ones that are most inspirational because they are rooted in reality. Ordinary people doing extraordinary things or going through an extraordinary transformation. These are the stories we need.

It's well known that I'm a cinemaphile with varied taste. I love movies and see them often. This is simply the best movie I've seen in years, very possibly the past decade, and perhaps, in my entire life. It's fabulous. I don't know what else I can say besides, it's a wonderful story that's been beautifully captured in film and is endlessly entertaining and moving. Please see it.

love

I like peeps

Oh ye handful of readers, I have failed you once again. School has been owning me lately and my time and energy seem to simply evaporate. Regardless, here I am to repent and share.

Lately I've had a wonderful new ....we'll call it "revolution of the heart". Most would say that I've always been a pretty affable/friendly/approachable person that typically wins over people with my sense of humor. However I've had a long internal struggle with feeling somewhat intolerant of certain kinds of people & personalities. I typically run into this trouble with two kinds of people.

A)I struggle with allowing myself to love people who are difficult to love and show kindness too. I think my trouble was rooted in feeling that if I were to show them some kind of benevolence that it would be rewarding people for things I despise about them. Perhaps it is the lack of love and mercy they are shown that is to be blamed for any obnoxious or hateful behavior.

B) I also struggle showing love to people who are in situations that make me uncomfortable or unbelievably sad. People with disabilities or special needs, people who are sick, homeless/poor, or some other unfortunate circumstance. I have several feelings when I come into any kind of contact with these people. I feel overwhelmed by their struggle and it makes my heart start to bleed so much that I try to shut off my caring completely to shield myself from becoming consumed with grief and sadness. Many of these people have troubles that seem unsolvable...like a lost cause. But of course that doesn't mean that they are a lost cause. I think I also feel guilty to a certain extent for having such a blessed life, coming from a well-educated, stable, affluent family that is supportive and loving. I have no disabilities or special needs. I'm healthy and fully capable of nearly anything. The opportunities that have been laid before me in this life are abundant. I look at these people who seem to have mountains too great to climb, and live a life of unmet needs and despair. nothing but tough breaks. Any human has to wonder where the justice and love is in the world. How can there be such a great divide between the privileged and the destitute? The more painful question is how can I deny or withhold love or compassion from these people? Love is something that every human is given in infinite supply. To be greedy with love is perhaps the worst sin/greatest tragedy of all. There is no greater disservice to the human race.

However, I've found in the past few months that my efforts to love more generously and be more understanding have opened my heart so much that it's remarkable. I feel more whole and more connected to humankind. Honesty is freeing. Love is fulfilling. Luckily, neither of them cost a penny.

love

Wanted: a bridge

When you're weary, feeling small,

When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
Im on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When youre down and out,
When youre on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silver girl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
Im sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

I've had loads of work to do this week. not just schoolwork but things that just need to be done. i'm already exhausted and it's only tuesday night/wednesday morning and there's miles to go. i know i have the the tools for the job but i've hit a mental block and i'm just needing a source of inspiration. i haven't been feeling the love much this week. i don't know if people are just on edge or something... but we could all be a little more compassionate and kind to one another. where is the love?

<3