I like peeps

Oh ye handful of readers, I have failed you once again. School has been owning me lately and my time and energy seem to simply evaporate. Regardless, here I am to repent and share.

Lately I've had a wonderful new ....we'll call it "revolution of the heart". Most would say that I've always been a pretty affable/friendly/approachable person that typically wins over people with my sense of humor. However I've had a long internal struggle with feeling somewhat intolerant of certain kinds of people & personalities. I typically run into this trouble with two kinds of people.

A)I struggle with allowing myself to love people who are difficult to love and show kindness too. I think my trouble was rooted in feeling that if I were to show them some kind of benevolence that it would be rewarding people for things I despise about them. Perhaps it is the lack of love and mercy they are shown that is to be blamed for any obnoxious or hateful behavior.

B) I also struggle showing love to people who are in situations that make me uncomfortable or unbelievably sad. People with disabilities or special needs, people who are sick, homeless/poor, or some other unfortunate circumstance. I have several feelings when I come into any kind of contact with these people. I feel overwhelmed by their struggle and it makes my heart start to bleed so much that I try to shut off my caring completely to shield myself from becoming consumed with grief and sadness. Many of these people have troubles that seem unsolvable...like a lost cause. But of course that doesn't mean that they are a lost cause. I think I also feel guilty to a certain extent for having such a blessed life, coming from a well-educated, stable, affluent family that is supportive and loving. I have no disabilities or special needs. I'm healthy and fully capable of nearly anything. The opportunities that have been laid before me in this life are abundant. I look at these people who seem to have mountains too great to climb, and live a life of unmet needs and despair. nothing but tough breaks. Any human has to wonder where the justice and love is in the world. How can there be such a great divide between the privileged and the destitute? The more painful question is how can I deny or withhold love or compassion from these people? Love is something that every human is given in infinite supply. To be greedy with love is perhaps the worst sin/greatest tragedy of all. There is no greater disservice to the human race.

However, I've found in the past few months that my efforts to love more generously and be more understanding have opened my heart so much that it's remarkable. I feel more whole and more connected to humankind. Honesty is freeing. Love is fulfilling. Luckily, neither of them cost a penny.

love